I'm Back Haters

Now, its been awhile since I (Alex) has blogged. However, after a long awaited return I'm back. The hype around this blog is reminiscent of Jordan coming back wearing number 45 or Favre going to the New York Brett's and the media coverage is about the same, infact i have some paparazzi right outside, being haters.


Anyways, some spectacular things have happened since the first day of school, starting with me listening to the Jim Rome show again. Now, for all you commoners you might hate on Jim Rome, but after hearing this email:
Rome,
The raiders offense looked weak tonight.
Signed,
FDR's legs

How can you not love the show? Polio smack is in the same league as Heath Ledger smack like "I have a killer oxymoron for you, Heath Ledger......Alive"

And that league is PRICELESS.

On the home front around LIZ things have been typical, lots of boxes running around room 2415. Speaking of Boxes, Billy Burns from down the hall has picked up on the box lingo and embraced it fully with a clutch line.
Billy says:
"Hey Box, go get me some ice cream"
Classic line.


To round things out, Nate fulla hate has undergone a name change and is now Nate Fulla Love, and fulla love he is. Sunday, he had a shirtless party in his room. If you do not know what a shirtless party is, picture a girl shirtless on top of nate shirtless, positioned on Nate and Mikes newly acquired Futon, it now reeks of sex.

Some fellas and I have also starts a flag football team called Balls-Ack. I know your jealous of the name but dont hate, appericate.

Bye Haters

A box stuck my arm with a needle, and then hit on me.

So this will be a short post.

I (Cody) went to go donate plasma today for the nice $45 dollar incentive. Also because im that broke ass that i need to sell bodily fluids to get by. Anyways, i was laying on the bed/chair or w.e its called ready to get my life essence sucked out of me, when this box comes over to my chair, and she gets ready to stick my arm with the needle. She swabs the area with some iodine and then pulls the skin back ready to stick it in. And wow was she horrible at it. I've never had a needle stick in my arm and then hurt that bad for an hour afterwards. What a fucking box. Fucking U-Haul this box was. 

Then the box proceeded to hit on me. Asking me if i had a girlfriend. Complimenting about everything. Getting annoyed, i just did what i thought Joe Dewitt would do. I said i was gay. Just kidding, but i did pretend to lose interest in her. Actually it wasnt pretend. And actually i didnt lose anything because i wasn't interested in the box in the first place. I just wanted to get my $45 and leave. I should have just Usain Bolt'ed her ass and got outa there. but i didnt want to be rude in front of 200 people. So i just slapped her mouth and left.

Bye haters. 

What type of 'box' would you like?

A box is a box. But some people prefer different types of boxes. There are small boxes, large boxes, and LARGE boxes who have been packing too much food in their storage space. Some people don't even like boxes. Some people try to make sure you can't get your hands on a box, FAGS. 

In any case, getting a box wet is what you want, but if its holding a lot of stuff in it (LARGE BOXES) try to stay away. Then it gets all soggy, and who likes a soggy box. But yes, getting your packing material into a box is what most aim for. Some miss. 

If your Scott Dubie, you have some one, in his case your room mate, that will most likely make it so you cant get your hands into a box, or your packing material into a box, why? Because that person is what we like to call a "cock block", or now, a "box block". 

Boxes tend to smell real pretty. Like flowers and stuff along that line. Trying to lure you in, and make you buy shit for the box's room, and it's probably gonna be worth it. Fore after weeks of doing this, you'll be able to pack your material in a safe place. Some are just good movers and pack their goods all the time, like Joe Ackerman, some will never pack, like Joe Dewitt. And some need lifting buddies, like Nate Zeff. Some have wings on their back and help others pack, like Alex Ackerman. 

I really could be talking about boxes all night, because i love them. But hey, i got some packing to do. 

Bye Box Blockers

What's your name again?

Remembering names can be a tricky thing. There's a plethora of names. Kent, Jim, Kelly, Jamie, Ackro, Jesus, Fred, Achmed, Moses, just to name a few. Meeting new people in social environments requires you to remember names. If you don't remember the names you look like a complete fag for forgetting the name of someone you met literally 28 seconds ago. 

"Oh hey Cody, I forgot to ask if you like ravioli?"

 "Um, Jill? I don't." 

"It's Fred dick!" 

...Usain Bolt out. 

That scenario is a familiar one to many. Most of the time if you forget a name you just try to figure out a way to make it so you don't have to use a name, which we all know is like trying to maneuver a wheel chair up to top of the empire state building when the elevator is broken. Then once you get there, you still feel like a D-Bag for not remembering the name, even after the journey of not using the name. 

"I'll be right back" is what you say to the person. Then you scurry over to another person and ask; 

"Hey Bill, whats that kids name over there?"

"My name's Jill."

"Oh, so your Jill...fuck" 

...Usain Bolt.

And by the end of the night, your just filled with names with no faces to go with them. The only name you have to a face is your own, Ackro's, Usain Bolt, Jesus, and your mother.

Bye haters

Back to School: A Freshman Guide to Surviving Madiosn

Hi Haters,
I know you have been waiting all day for me to post my blog since all of you know that it was mine (ackros) first day of school today at The University of Wisconsin. After waking up way to early, Joe and I decided to get food at liz since we had a long day ahead of us. After breakfast, I left for my first class. This is when my day becomes quite interesting.


I met one of my buddies from SOAR at the entrance so we had baller status entering class together, however to my surprise we were not the most baller kids in class. As I entered Human Ecology room 21, I regonized 2 rather tall gentlemen and finally realized that it was Marcus Landry and Trevon Hughes from the Big Ten Championship winning basketball team. Now, being the big man on campus that I am, I approached my boys and introduced myself, and told them I was very good friends with Tim Jarmusz, and thus a relationship has blossomed. Every Tuesday and Thursday from 9:30-10:45 in Marv Johnsons neighborhood, ill see my boys.

After my class i was in a hurry to get back to Liz to let my boy Mike Vincent know the great news. As expected Mike was rather elated to hear the news and felt that his brother would be jealous that he was friends with such a stud. Mike hates on me sometimes.

More later.

Bye Haters

Ringtone-a-Palooza

It's story time there was 2 boys trying to sleep in a dorm room. They were sound ass mother fucking asleep. "BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM, I WANT YOU IN MY ROOM!" to shitty ass techno goes off. Joe finds it necessary to set his phone at the loudest setting possible while he sleeps. I dont know why. Just set it on vibrate and slap some tape on it and attach that shit to your nuts (or in your vagtastic voyage if its what you got going on in your kill zone).

Dont get us wrong, we each have ringtones. We use them. Just most of the time, not at full volume. Actually, i love my ringtones. I just have sensitive ear drums i guess?

Also, i don't understand the people that buy a new ringtone a day. Yeah, you heard a new song on the radio. Yeah, BackstreetBoys just released a new single. So what's the first thing that comes across your brain? Lets spend $2.99 of our parents money. I can understand that you buy one, everyone has a song they can listen to over and over. Why not use that song to be your ringtone. Or maybe 2. But 23, your nucking futs. I'll use that $2.99 to buy myself some aspirin for the head ache i get from your shitty techno Joe. \

Before we leave, I (Alex) would like to give a list of good ringtones vs bad ones.

Good Ringtones:
Any Backstreet Boys songs
Any N*SYNC songs
Any O-Town Songs
Any Hot Karl Songs
Lou Bega- Mamba numba five
Effel 65- Blue
Moby- Flower (thanks JJ Hardy)


Bad Ringtones:
Any ringtone not listed on the good ringtone list.

Bye Haters

Meet and Greet Essentials

After dining once again in the Liz Water’s Commons, I ran into some ladies from the 37oo’s who are pretty legit, and after i told them about mine and cody’s blogging activities today, they became pretty “jel” aka Jealous. So, we got to talking and the meet and greet to the conversation was an awkward one which got me thinking about this blog topic. I digressed from Usain Bolt-ing them since they are my friends and decided to write a blog about how to properly greet people, who initiates, and how the greet is overall delivered. 

Ok, So i (Cody) was not there for the situation just talked about. But I have conversed with Alex and we have come up with the essentials of how 2 people should act when first meeting and what goes on after the first meet and greet. 

First off, when you meet someone, give them a hand shake. It shows that your confident and ready to start a friendship, or at the very least a conversation. If you don't, your just looking for an awkward situation and with the hand shake you avoid having to Usain Bolt your way out of it. After which, start the conversation and let the good times role from then out, granted that the person isn't a tool.

Say after about a week, your still friends with this new individual, your ready for the knucks. Knucks should only be used after you feel comfortable with the person. Some people will think your a tard, like bran-droid, for wanting knucks. If you do it to early, your being to forward. The person might think your a pedi-rapist and want to break in your 7 year old butt hole. Then you'll have to Usain Bolt in the morning after the roofies ware off. But once your to the point of knucks, slip one in as much as you want. (Thats what she said) 

Shortly after that, your ready for bringing it in. The mix between a hug, and a hand shake, very masculine but also at the same time saying your a good friend, or at least becoming one. 

Alex has brought to my attention that ass slapping should be a 2 month or more friendship deal. I personally could go up to Alex and slap his ass and he would be ok with it. Say i slapped Mike's or Nate's ass on the other hand. It might be awkward for the fact that i've known them for 3 days and then i would, once again, need to Usain Bolt it. 

 *for reference, the ass slap can be used immediately after introduction if is happening on a sports team. 

Remember also, these are more of guidelines. NOT RULES. Feel free at anytime to try to accelerate the process. If it works out for you, awesome, if not, you were warned.

Coming soon, How a guy should be around a girl at introduction. (For Nate The Hater) 

Bye Haters